K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
