if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
