Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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