i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
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