I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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