If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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