he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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