Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
