wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize