Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
