i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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