I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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