Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
