ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
