So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
