When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
