Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Less talking, more tequila
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
