My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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