my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
