I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
whose parrot is this?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
