You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
