I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
