if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
