3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
