its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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