he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
