you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
