that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
