At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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