I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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