I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
be right there i have to get my cape
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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