It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
