I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize