This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
