kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
