My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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