He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
