I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
birth control should be required to get into college
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize