The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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