Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
