Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
