i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
