So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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