Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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