i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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