Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
