You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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