At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
