Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
