My nipple is on Facebook.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
