It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
they're like a gay fantastic four
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
