last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
