Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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