how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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