come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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