Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
