So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
