Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
