yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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