I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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