Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
