Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I want to be your penis for a week.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
