normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
