On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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