OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We talked him into tasing himself.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
