Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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