soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
try to milk me bitch
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
