Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
