Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
