you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
