does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
