Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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