i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize