break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
