i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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