All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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