ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
